This is a little scary for me, spelling it all out here for the world to read. In a world where we only present our best life, share everything that is going well; "I’m having a ball, we’re living it up!" Wow, it’s great to be me, right? It is sometimes hard to know what is real and it can be even harder to be real. Everything isn’t always perfect and
you never know what is really going on in someone’s life. If I show myself authentically will I feel inadequate or judged? If I only show the good stuff, might that make others feel inadequate? Maybe imperfect can be the new perfect.
In that spirit, here we go. The plan and trajectory I had as a young adult in regards to my professional life veered off in a very different direction than I expected. It has made me who I am, and positioned me where I am today. Although I am pretty content with my life and from the outside it looks picture-perfect, like all great facades, I don’t have all my sh!t together. I am unsatisfied.
During college I really came into my own. It was an awesome experience of discovery, freedom and excitement. I believed I could accomplish anything, and I did. I got a great job offer before I graduated, got the guy, transitioned to a better opportunity, earned promotion after promotion, bought a house, enjoyed a few years of couple-hood, started a family, promoted again, chose to transition out of the corporate world and opened a business. The business was profitable its very first year. I opened a second business, with ease. Everything seemed to just fall into place as if it were meant to be.
When the economy crashed 2007-2009, so did my businesses. They did not survive. We took a big hit financially and had we not let them go, they would have taken us with them. To this day, I believe this was the biggest failure of my life. I went from feeling unstoppable to financially and spiritually immobilized. My success driven upbringing, ambition and drive that I had embodied the previous three decades was crushed in only a few short years. As I look back, I see that during this time I adopted a bunch of resistant thoughts around business, work, money, and for a while, I forgot how it felt to attract success.
Although not unscathed, and close to financial rock bottom, we were able to begin rebuilding our future without uprooting the family which was a huge blessing. There were a few other good things that happened during this time. First of all, my family and personal relationships grew much stronger and meaningful. Quality over quantity. I identified and connected with real friends more intentionally and limited the time spent with those I like to refer to as “the friendlies”, surface friendships that aren’t real. Secondly, I was introduced to my current business that has been instrumental in designing my new life and personal growth. Lastly, I was introduced to thought leaders and became a student of the “Law of Attraction” and developed a practice to get rid of my limiting beliefs and be happy.
Here I am now a decade later. I have a rewarding personal life, time freedom, and I live a relatively low-stress life. However, with all of the progress I have made, I often find myself feeling content but not quite satisfied. At peace, but lacking inspiration. Still not back to the old unstoppable me. I know that many would love to feel peace and contentment and I don’t want to come off as complaining. I am truly grateful for where I am, I just don’t feel whole yet.
I have heard the analogy that our energy stream is like a river; we should work with the current, don’t paddle upstream. We can be or do or have anything that we want, believe and allow. Everything we want is downstream. All we need to do is turn our boat around and paddle with the current, your inspired action, or let the oars go altogether and let the momentum take you. I sometimes feel like I turned the boat
around and drifted into a large lake with little current, or my boat was dropped in the middle of the ocean and I’m lost at sea. The only way out is to paddle. But, I don’t feel the inspirational current and I don’t see the destination clearly. My question to the Universe is: “How long do I hang out in this boat adrift being content but not satisfied?” I love the peace I have found but I am hungry for inspiration and a passion that drives me into motivated action. “When will I hit the rapids again and find the current that makes the journey seem effortless and exciting?” I feel incomplete without a burning desire.
There it is Universe. “What do I do next?” I am so grateful for all of the blessings in my life, I have many. Life is beautiful. I want back in the game of contribution and creation…. eagerness and excitement…. joyfully making a difference. “Isn’t it ok to want it all?”
All my love, Brenda